Guilt-tripping is a very common and powerful tactic used by narcissistic parents. It makes their children feel obligated to fulfill even their unreasonable demands and expectations.
If you have a narcissistic parent, here’s how they may use guilt to manipulate you:
To maintain control over your life: Narcissistic parents want absolute control over their children’s lives even in adulthood. So they will use guilt-tripping whenever you try to pursue your happiness instead of focusing on their needs and demands. This guilt will them compel you to abandon yourself to fulfill their demands.
Keeping you emotionally vulnerable: Guilt clouds your ability to think clearly and makes you emotionally vulnerable and therefore, easier to manipulate. To calm the emotional turmoil caused by the guilt, you will do what they say, sacrificing your needs.
Denying responsibility: Guilt-tripping allows narcissistic parents to avoid taking responsibility for their abusive behavior. They blame you for being ‘selfish’ when you set boundaries or focus on self-care instead of self-sacrificing to please them.
Keeping you emotionally dependent: Guilt-tripping keeps you emotionally trapped and striving to get their approval which never truly comes. You will keep making sacrifices hoping to be acknowledged some day by them.
Believing the illusion: As mentioned above guilt clouds your ability to think clearly, making it hard for you to distinguish between the reality and your parent’s distorted narrative. You may easily believe the illusion created by them where they are the ‘victim’ who needs to be constantly catered to and taken care of and overlook their abusive behavior patterns.
Here are some coping Strategies that you can use if this is happening to you:
Educate Yourself: Educating yourself about parental narcissistic abuse not only helps to recognize their abusive tactics but also give you the much needed validation that it’s not you who is the problem.
Identify your coping mechanisms: Growing up in an abusive environment you most likely have developed certain coping mechanisms like feeling guilty even when it’s not your fault, dissociating, people-pleasing, self-doubt, self-sacrificing etc. It is important to recognize and address these and work on developing healthier ways of coping.
Set boundaries: It is highly important to start setting clear and firm boundaries to protect your well-being. You are most likely to face escalated abuse from your parents in response to your boundaries or even your ingrained old behaviors like people-pleasing will prove a hindrance but it is crucial to stay firm and uphold your boundaries.
Prioritize self-care: Engage in activities that will help your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. This will help build resilience against their manipulation.
Get support: Working with a professional who understands parental narcissistic abuse can prove highly valuable as they help you with all of the above steps and make them a little easier for you. They will also give you strategies to deal with the ongoing abuse and help you in your healing journey.
Guilt-tripping can be really hard to deal with especially when you have been conditioned to prioritize your parent’s demands over your needs. But recognizing it and taking the right steps to protect yourself can prove truly helpful in your healing journey.
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